Ranting, Whining, Praying

I need a vacation...bad. Today was a long day, spent mostly working on the electrical for a warmer in the kitchen but also trying to get an outlet replaced...which was in conjunction with the warmer that wasn't working. I also had to deal with my parking spot being taken, and nothing being done about it. I know that one sounds like I am whining, but it was frustrating having to figure out where to park then moving my car again while I was in the middle of a project because I had parked in a coworker. And I step down from my soap box...that was just a dump of the days activities.

I don't know what it is but I continue to feel empty and alone. I have had so many people give me words of encouragement in the last few weeks but somehow I find the emptiness in it all again and again.

I want to be open to the single life, I am no longer 50/50 I feel more and more that I will be single. I look at it as a burden rather than a vocation. I want to be open to it, but at the same time I feel something is missing. I want to be loved in a way that no friend can love. There is an intimacy that husband and wife can speak through their actions to each other, knowing what the other is feeling at the bat of an eyelash. I want that, I want to give my all to a woman, shower her with gifts and spoil her like a queen.

But I don't know if that is what I am called to. Time and time again I return to the same argument in my head. There are benefits and drawbacks to either vocation...and I still have no firm answer on which one would suit my life most completely. I want to love, but I am tired of being hurt; there is a safety to the single life.