Merry Christmas...

I don't know what it is...but as hard as I try...I cannot get into the Christmas Spirit. There is something of a loneliness around this time of year when others gather together with family and friends. I will be heading home for a few days this year to spend time with my family, but it is the rest of the month that is hard. Most of the music turns to mentions of loved ones and holiday feel goods.

I guess some of it has to do with my ongoing struggle for vocation. I get gung-ho about the single life and then I get hard with the feelings of what it would be like to have a significant other. Then I will find blessings in my life that I could not accomplish if I was attached to a family...and then I will find feelings of loneliness again...an ever turning wheel of emotion.

I want to come to a point where I have it all figured out...probably won't ever come...but I would like a little peace in this situation. Please...give me some kind of sign. Is it single life, married life...will I find out at the end of the year...5 years from now...10? I can't take this much longer...it hurts...