Exhausted

I'm exhausted; physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually...I just don't understand what's happened to me. I can't shake last year, I've lost my sense of joy and I feel alone. I used to pray everyday for guidance in God's will. I still have no clue what I am supposed to do with my life. I'm losing hope, drive and faith. I don't enjoy doing a lot of the things I used to, I feel lost. I don't know who to turn to. In college I had friends who called me out when they saw me down, I don't have that same community to turn to. I still have my faith, but it doesn't feel the same. I don't enjoy Mass; seeing it more as a chore than a blessed sacrament. Help me Lord.

What is it with this empty life?

I don't understand what's wrong with me. I am not happy like I used to be. I have always been pretty easy going, not letting much get to me. If something was up I internalized it and put on a happy face...it is getting harder and harder to put on that happy face. I don't know what it is, I chalked it up to a bad 2012...which overall didn't go all that well for me: I found a girl online, we dated for a month, she decided she wasn't ready to date yet. My cousin passed away. I was friendzoned by a girl that was practically my girlfriend. I was in two weddings over the summer, caught the garter at both, asked a girl out from one of the weddings but never heard back. The girl from online wanted to try again, we made it official Bf/Gf, but a week later she broke it off cause she didn't see it going anywhere. I was friendzoned again by another girl. At the beginning of the new year I told myself that that was 2012...2013 was going to be better. It hasn't gotten any better. I know it hasn't even been two weeks yet, but I feel worse. I struggle to find happiness in anything that I do. I don't really enjoy going to Mass anymore...even debated about going to Wednesday night Mass last night seeing it more as a chore than a sacrament, I went anyway. I can't put into words the emptiness I feel inside, I can't find anything to fill it. I feel like I get up everyday, go to work to pay the bills, come home and find something to do to entertain myself until I go to bed...then get up the next day and do it all over again. Who have I become, what can where can I find peace, when will I fill this void, where do I turn, why me, how can I find comfort when nothing seems to work?

The Void

It comes in waves...I feel great one day, but down in the dumps the next. I can't shake it. I struggle to find my place. I love what I do, but I often feel as if something is missing...I can't put my finger on it. It saddens me but I can't shake it. I've tried several different avenues to fill the emptiness: hanging out with friends, bike rides, history documentaries, prayer, retreats, reading. I can't get this monkey off my back or fill the pit inside. Why won't the hurting stop?