Vacation from Vocation...

If only it worked like that...I wish I knew, could say what my vocation was. I feel like I know sometime but not always. Sometimes I feel completely lost, read right now, and I just want direction. Thankfully, though not certainly, I have discerned out of the priesthood and religious life. I just don't feel called in that direction, nor do I feel like I can use my gifts to the fullest as a man of the cloth.

This does not however assume marriage. I have weighed both and found pluses and minuses on each side. The single life means that I can make decisions on where I need to be to serve HIM and weigh the options without needing to consult a spouse. I can spend my time how I see fit to bring joy and life to a ministry I feel strongly for. I don't have to ask permission to help with this retreat, or work on that project. I don't need to call home and check-in that I am running late tonight or that I need to take a raincheck on something because something came up.

Marriage also has its pluses. The ability to love someone more intimately than a good friend, more than a best friend. Children, being able to raise the future, to carry on my name, and to enjoy while they grow up in front of my very eyes. Someone to hold and care for.

Lord, give me strength, show me patience, allow me to find peace in my vocation. I need you to help me find comfort that what I am doing is in Your will. Help me to sort out my feelings for these women, these beautiful creations of yours. Help me to finally see where the joy that comes from doing Your will, will be able to expand to its fullest extent for me. In your name Lord...AMEN!