Vacation from Vocation...

If only it worked like that...I wish I knew, could say what my vocation was. I feel like I know sometime but not always. Sometimes I feel completely lost, read right now, and I just want direction. Thankfully, though not certainly, I have discerned out of the priesthood and religious life. I just don't feel called in that direction, nor do I feel like I can use my gifts to the fullest as a man of the cloth.

This does not however assume marriage. I have weighed both and found pluses and minuses on each side. The single life means that I can make decisions on where I need to be to serve HIM and weigh the options without needing to consult a spouse. I can spend my time how I see fit to bring joy and life to a ministry I feel strongly for. I don't have to ask permission to help with this retreat, or work on that project. I don't need to call home and check-in that I am running late tonight or that I need to take a raincheck on something because something came up.

Marriage also has its pluses. The ability to love someone more intimately than a good friend, more than a best friend. Children, being able to raise the future, to carry on my name, and to enjoy while they grow up in front of my very eyes. Someone to hold and care for.

Lord, give me strength, show me patience, allow me to find peace in my vocation. I need you to help me find comfort that what I am doing is in Your will. Help me to sort out my feelings for these women, these beautiful creations of yours. Help me to finally see where the joy that comes from doing Your will, will be able to expand to its fullest extent for me. In your name Lord...AMEN!

Moving Forward, But Not Really Changing

So I finally got up the nerve to ask my boss for a raise, and I got it. I really think that if i hadn't gotten the raise i still would have gone right along working the same job. It's frustrating sometime's but it ends up enjoyable. I feel like God has put me exactly where he wants me.

I am still cluless whether he wants me in my vocation, marriage or single life. Though i will say He has leaned me toward Single Life recently, and i'm not entirely fighting Him. I don't know, just keep praying and trusting that God will show me the way.

I thouroughly enjoy doing what i am doing and i can't imagine myself doing anything else.

The Little Kicks in the Butt

It's the Monday after Awakening #4, man did I need this...

God has given me so much hope and surrounded me with so much love. I am grateful for everything that comes to me from Him. I don't know if I would have said the same only a week ago.

Every now and then we, as humans, need renewal. We need something to kick us square in the butt to show us that this is what we are being called to do, and why it brings us so much joy. DJ has done this for me and now Awakening. I don't think I can put my finger on it exactly, the point this weekend when God said "Hey, trust me. You are where I want you, this is where you will find true happiness in Me." It could have been several points: meeting someone who works pretty much the same job as I do at the University of Oklahoma, the beautiful talks, the point of complete mental exhaustion only to be brought back to reality by a warm shower and given the strength to finish everything for the BIG finish, or being caught off guard by two close friends and brought to "ugly cry" tears just before the BIG finish. Strong, Loving, Passionate!

Thank you Lord for all you have provided for me, and all that you have allowed me to do in service to you. I am blessed beyond imagination, that I may serve a campus ministry that is so vibrant and ALIVE! Thank you for the little reminders...