Advent

We have begun the new year. I look forward to what this new year will bring. I feel strange. I am happy with my job, I enjoy it, sometimes to the point that I wonder if I ever really want to be a teacher. I enjoy the flexibility of my job and the fact that I can go home at night and not have to worry about preparing for the next day.

I am happy, but at the same time I feel empty. I don't know what it is, but I feel alone. I really don't have any idea where God is calling me at this point. I thought I had it all figured out...last May I would have told you that I would be a teacher married with in the next year or two. But now I just don't know. I feel a little lost. What once seemed so right, no longer fits into the puzzle. I want someone to share my life with, but that's just it..."I want". It's not about what I want, it's what he wants. I just don't understand. I was under the impression that you would know where God is calling you, because that is what would bring you the most immense happiness you ever felt. But I haven't figured out how a possible call to the single life can make me happy. I need someone there to share my accomplishments with, at least I feel like I do. I feel that I was built to love. I love my friends, but I mean to go beyond that and love a woman.

Not my will but yours O Lord. Help me to know what you are calling me toward, fill this void in me that I may see you in whatever you would have me do. Lord give me the strength and patience to wait it out. And if you wish me in the married life, help me to find her, and help her to know of me.