Advent

We have begun the new year. I look forward to what this new year will bring. I feel strange. I am happy with my job, I enjoy it, sometimes to the point that I wonder if I ever really want to be a teacher. I enjoy the flexibility of my job and the fact that I can go home at night and not have to worry about preparing for the next day.

I am happy, but at the same time I feel empty. I don't know what it is, but I feel alone. I really don't have any idea where God is calling me at this point. I thought I had it all figured out...last May I would have told you that I would be a teacher married with in the next year or two. But now I just don't know. I feel a little lost. What once seemed so right, no longer fits into the puzzle. I want someone to share my life with, but that's just it..."I want". It's not about what I want, it's what he wants. I just don't understand. I was under the impression that you would know where God is calling you, because that is what would bring you the most immense happiness you ever felt. But I haven't figured out how a possible call to the single life can make me happy. I need someone there to share my accomplishments with, at least I feel like I do. I feel that I was built to love. I love my friends, but I mean to go beyond that and love a woman.

Not my will but yours O Lord. Help me to know what you are calling me toward, fill this void in me that I may see you in whatever you would have me do. Lord give me the strength and patience to wait it out. And if you wish me in the married life, help me to find her, and help her to know of me.

Long time no see...

It has been a while...almost two months in fact. It has been busy but not at the same time. I was just on Come and See this past weekend. A great time for fellowship with Men who are strong in their faith. The C&S showed me some things about where God may be calling me. I do not feel that this call involves the religious life, and this was somewhat confirmed by my old roomate who is currently in Denver living out his vocation in the Novitiate. (Man I miss him) He told me he really never saw me becoming a religious, though he would have enjoyed being 'brothers'.

The C&S did however open my eyes to another vocation, Youth Ministry. Since I have been sharing that with my friends they have all told me that it was about time I realized my calling. One of the 4 pillars of the Dominican Order is Study, so they mentioned the Aquinas Institute in St. Louis...actually where a lot of the presentations at C&S were held. The place is beautiful, and they offer Masters degrees in Pastoral Ministry. I really feel like this may be where God is calling me. This might be the reason I didn't leave Purdue, and didn't find a Teaching job. I still need to figure out how to pay for it and what all goes into it...but I really think I need to do this.

God grant that I may see your will and that it shall be done through me. Hold me and shape me that I may use my talents in your service. Grant that I may be a light to those around me

"I have much to write to you, but I do not wish to write with pen and ink." - 3 John 13

I came across this a few weeks ago at CROSS, and I really liked it. I have not figured out how this applies to my life yet...but I can see some possibilities, one being that God calls, but it may not be in an obvious form such as a billboard. God will call in all ways, but we must learn his language before we can truly listen to his word.